| Is this a lesbian movie, maybe? |
[31 Jul 2006|05:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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We Both Reached for the Gun - Chicago |
] |
I watched Chicago last night, and I wondered, do you think Roxie was maybe a little in love with Velma, maybe? And that's why she got so upset when Velma wouldn't take her seriously, and stuff. I mean, I would, if I were Roxie.
And at the end, it's all about Velma and Roxie finally getting together, and stuff. And none of the women in that movie seemed to like men that much, huh? They liked killing them, at least.
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| No One's Innocent |
[25 Jul 2006|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
Amy asked me tonight if I knew where Chris was. And I said, "No, why should I?" And Amy said, "I was just talking on the phone with Meghan and it seems like no one really knows where he is."
I guess that shouldn't make any difference to me, huh?
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| Everyone else seems to like these surveys, huh? |
[20 Oct 2005|04:23am] |
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mood |
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 full |
] |
| Long-Distance Relationship survey | | About you.. | | What is your name?: | Cassandra | | How old are you?: | 22 | | Where do you live?: | Minnesota | | What do you look like?: | Why do you care, huh? | | About them.. | | You have a significant other, right?: | Yes | | What's their name?: | Autumn | | How old are they?: | 22 or 23 ... I don't remember, really | | Where do they live?: | New Jersey | | What do they look like?: | cool, tough, sexy | | About the relationship.. | | Since you're taking this, it's a long-distance relationship, right?: | Yes | | Did you meet through the internet?: | No | | If not, then how did you meet?: | Through work, I guess ... | | How often do you see them?: | not enough ... :( | | How long have you been together?: | Um ... three years, I think, about. | | When was the last time you.. | | ..saw them?: | June | | ..kissed them?: | June | | ..hugged them?: | June | | ..cuddled with them?: | June | | ..talked to them?: | About three weeks ago, I think, maybe | | ..had sex with them?: | June | | Some other questions.. | | What made you decide you wanted to be in a long-distance relationship?: | I wanted a relationship with her and she's not here, mostly | | How does it usually make you feel?: | Lonely, disconnected, sometimes | | Are there any songs that remind you of them?: | Anytime I hear a song with the word autumn in it, I think of her. :) | | Ever feel unable to believe you're in a real relationship because of it?: | No, it's a real relationship, totally | | Do you ever feel angry or stressed because of the distance?: | I guess, maybe. Just that I forget how wonderful she is when I don't see her much, mostly. | | Do you ever take it out on your significant other?: | I don't think so, really ... | | Are you ever jealous of local couples?: | I guess, maybe | | What are the advantages of a long-distance relationship?: | That I've got someone way better than anyone around here, I guess. I wouldn't be in a long distance relationship otherwise ... | | What are the disadvantages?: | That should be obvious, huh? She's not just here when I want her to be, which is all the time, pretty much. | | Do people have less faith in your relationship because of the distance?: | I don't know, I don't think so, really. | | Do you know when the next time you'll see them is?: | Soon, I think, we're making a trip to Missouri to see my mom together | | How do you usually talk to them?: | On the phone, mostly, email or mail sometimes, too. | | Has the distance helped your relationship at all?: | I don't know ... I don't know what it's like not to be in a long distance relationship, so I can't really compare, you know? | | If so, in what ways?: | I said I didn't know! | | Do you find it hard to trust your significant other?: | No | | Have you, or your SO, ever taken advantage of the distance and lied?: | I don't think she would lie ... what does take advantage mean? I guess I have, maybe, just that it makes it easier not to bring some things up ... | | Future.. | | Do you ever hope to live with your significant other?: | yes | | Do you hope to marry them?: | yes | | Do you hope to have kids with them?: | NO ... because I don't want kids, only. | | Do you think it'd be strange to finally have them with you, permanently?: | Yes, but a good kind of strange, I think. Unbelievable, maybe. | | Do you think there's a chance of this happening?: | Yes | | Depressing.. | | How often do you cry over it?: | Oh gosh, I don't know. I try not to cry TOO much, really. Once a month, maybe. | | Would you ever break up with them because of the distance?: | I don't think so | | What keeps you from ending it all?: | She's so cool and it's amazing that she wants to be with me. | | Finishing.. | | Overall, are you happy you're in the relationship?: | Yes | | Any advice for others in your situation?: | I think others can figure out their own relationships, huh? | Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d |
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| I wonder |
[14 May 2005|12:40am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Flaming Lips |
] |
What would I do if I didn't have a job, I wonder?
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| Oops? |
[12 May 2005|08:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Let me get what I want - Hootie and the Blowfish |
] |
I can't believe I said that, really.
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| We're all victims |
[14 Mar 2005|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Witness - Tori Amos |
] |
Everyone would rather be the victim, maybe. Everyone wants to maybe be the victim because somehow being the victim makes you the good guy, huh?
They always wanted to make me think about victimization and stuff in therapy, and I'm just not sure if I get it, really. I'm not sure if there's even any such thing, even. I mean, I could say it was my mom's fault what happened to me, but I stuck my own spoon from my own purse down my own throat, huh? And that one time I ended up in a closet, I could've gotten out of that too, maybe. Probably. It's hard to know when you don't remember, I guess.
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| No time |
[02 Feb 2005|09:28am] |
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mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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No Blue In My Rainbow - Autumn Roberts |
] |
Last night I dreamed about Autumn, but I can't even remember the good dreams, I guess. I assume it was good, I mean. All I remember is that there just never seemed to be enough time.
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| I don't know |
[09 Dec 2004|10:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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For Sale - Jasmira Juhl |
] |
If I don't really want to go to the Bests' for the holidays either, why does it hurt my feelings that Autumn doesn't, I wonder.
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| Flowers grow before they bloom |
[05 Nov 2004|10:31pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Stronger - Shannon Roots |
] |
I've been meaning to write something for a long time, for Autumn, because she says I never update, and she's right, I don't really.
Lately I've felt sort of out of the loop with everyone else in the world, because I think I'm the only one in the world who didn't really care what happened during the election. I don't see how it matters so much, really. A lot of people around here are mad and stuff that Bush got re-elected, but I went for a walk today, and the sun was really warm. The autumn here is extra long this year. It's winter by this time in Minnesota, usually. And no matter who gets elected, he can't stop this sun or the bright leaves, huh?
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| Hmm |
[18 Sep 2004|08:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hollywood - Mara Li |
] |
I wonder, does Autumn like surprises?
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| See you again |
[03 Aug 2004|11:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nauseated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Valentine Heart - Prince Beast |
] |
OK, here's something that happened recently, I guess.
They rearranged CUB foods. I was there for hours and hours looking for the food I wanted. It drove me so crazy. They shouldn't be allowed to do that, ever.
I just wanted this certain kind of chocolate, like this chocolate in a jar, like peanut butter, all creamy. You can dip your finger in it or eat it with a spoon or pretzels or anything. I didn't get it, even. I left the store crying. Sick, huh?
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| Where you got the candy |
[03 Aug 2004|11:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 irate |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Yodelling Song - Moses Best |
] |
Um ... I haven't written in a long time, so I thought I should, maybe.
'cept I don't really know what to say. I'm thinking really hard, even. I'm sure I must have something. Everyone has something, don't they? Why don't I? Why is my brain such a clutter, I wonder? Amazing I ever find anything up there, huh?
I just feel so icky sometimes.
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| I guess she'll figure it out |
[29 Jun 2004|09:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Ave Q |
] |
Okay ... um ... I've been meaning to write about this for a while, sort of. About that whole wedding thing. And Autumn doesn't need an explanation, I know, but I feel like I need to give one anyway, kind of. Just because ...
It's not that I'm afraid to be with a girl or anything. I know that's what everyone thinks. It's just that I don't know anything about this sort of thing, I really don't. So there was that wedding and I was invited and I was supposed to invite her, I guess. But gosh, it was just Moses, and I don't even *like* Moses, and Heaven is scary, don't you think? So I didn't even want to go to the wedding, really, but I went because it was in New Orleans, and I like New Orleans, 'cause it's so colorful, mainly. So that's all I was thinking of, was that I'd go maybe to see New Orleans again. And I'm used to going for reasons like that, just to do something for myself by myself, you know?
It didn't even cross my mind to ask Autumn to come. It's not because she's a girl or because I didn't want her there or anything, I swear. It's just that I don't know these things. It would be the same if I was with a guy, I just don't know what sorts of things couples do, okay? I'm sorry that I just don't know anything, I don't have very many social skills. That sounds like something a therapist would say, huh? Therapists actually know a lot, though. I miss mine, sort of.
So, I don't know what else to say, really. I just know that I'm sorry that my not knowing what to do hurt someone, the only someone, that means anything to me now, really. I'm shy, sort of, but not ashamed. Just remember there's a difference, huh?
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| :'( |
[07 Jun 2004|09:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
You May be Right - Frank Malacci |
] |
I miss Autumn.
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| Bubblegum isn't even a real candy |
[06 Jun 2004|11:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Heaven - Moses Best |
] |
You're bubblegum!!! You love to have a good time,
and enjoy being around others who feel the same
way. You tend to be the life of the party, and
people like to be around you as much as they
can.
Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I like the colors, but bubble gum seems like a cop out, huh? You can't even really eat it. I looked at the other choices, and there were some much cooler ones, like chocolate. Oh well, I guess I can't change who I am, huh?
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| Sigh |
[05 Jun 2004|02:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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I'm chewing pizza |
] |
I feel like a total failure because my hair isn't pink.
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[12 May 2004|10:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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disappointed |
] |
Oh, I really really really want a brownie. I nice ooey gooey brownie that just melts apart on my tongue and sticks in my teeth, yeah. It doesn't get much better than that, huh?
I'm just eating this cookie instead, though. It's not the same.
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| Ummm |
[29 Apr 2004|10:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
Amy dragged me along to this Take Back the Night thing that her and Moses and Michael were doing. I think it's weird when she wants me to do certain things with her like that. Does she think, I mean, why is she asking me in particular? Or did she ask everyone and I just noticed her asking me, maybe? I didn't want to go really, and I don't know why I did, either, except ... I need to get better at saying no, maybe.
The whole point was to not be afraid and not be silent and stuff like that. Well, I don't know. All I know is that you can't tell someone to not be afraid, really. 'Cause something I realized when I was there is that I always feel afraid, sort of. Afraid of, I don't even know what. Afraid of really stupid things. Afraid to say what I'm afraid of. I can't even imagine what it would be like to not be afraid of anything. That's probably pretty sick, huh?
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| Two Rainbows! |
[28 Apr 2004|08:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
Look, I finally made a livejournal! Amy helped, actually. Still pretty cool, huh?
I really wanted to make it look like a rainbow, but this is the best I got, I guess.
I saw something really cool! Outside it's storming, and there are two rainbows. TWO rainbows. One on top of the other, even. One rainbow for me, one for Autumn, maybe. Autumn's the rainbow on top.
It's not as scary writing on a computer screen as I thought it would be, maybe.
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